The Colour of His Sin
by vindictive-much
Summary: Gob never meant to fall in love with Michael. It just happened. Behind a meaningless rivalry was a love so strong that it could not be denied and had the potential to destroy Gob's life and the relationship he had with Michael.
1. Chapter 1: A Stain On His Soul

The Colour of His Sin 

Summary: Gob never meant to fall in love with Michael. It just happened. Behind a meaningless rivalry was a love so strong that it could not be denied and had the potential to destroy Gob's life and the relationship he had with Michael.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything!

XxX

Chapter 1: A Stain on His Soul

Love is when you forgive him for his mistakes and his lies

Love is when you will always stand by him

Love is when you will do anything for him

Love is when you smile when what you really want to do is cry

Love is when he loves someone else and you can say to him, "I'm happy for you"

Love is when you sometimes feel like you hate him, but deep down you will always love him

Love is when you'll keep that dark secret inside of you if that's what it takes to keep him near

Love is when him hating you is a fate worse than death

XxX

Gob couldn't help it as a small smile crept across his face. Michael was sitting beside him on the couch, not saying a word. He had just come home from a date with a woman, Lucy was it, that he'd been dating for the past few weeks. He hadn't said anything at all, glared at Gob when he asked, "How'd your date at the dog park go?" and he seemed really tense. Gob was tempted to rub Michael's shoulders if it wouldn't have made Michael even more pissed off, "Is everything okay, Mikey?" Gob asked.

"Lucy and I broke up..." Michael answered, not even looking at the other male. Gob wanted to jump for joy at this news, but he for once was able to control himself.

"Oh, you did...?" Gob asked, pretending to be surprised. He knew that it would only be a matter of time before Michael dumped that slut! Gob had always called her Lucy the Slut when Michael wasn't around, after the character in the musical Avenue Q. He had always hated Lucy because she was with Michael. Michael, who he loved more than anything and who he would give anything to be with. Now that Michael had finally broken up with her, the only thing in Gob's way was Michael himself, "What went wrong?" not that he cared.

"You remember that one time we all went out for Chinese and my fortune cookie said 'Love is like paint. It is beautiful when you spread it around, but it will dry up if you don't use it'?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, kind of" Gob answered.

"Well, let's just say she had been spreading a lot of paint..." Michael said. Gob could practically feel the bitterness in Michael's voice. He knew right away what his brother meant, and he right away shouted, outraged, "That (bleep)ing whore!!"

"It's okay," Michael said, trying to force a smile, "I wasn't that serious about her anyway. I should be used to my relationships ending badly by now..."

"Aw, Mikey... it's okay..." Gob said, hugging Michael, and Michael actually hugged him back. This was one of the few times that Michael didn't push him away. This was one of the things that had stayed the same since they were kids. When they weren't fighting with each other, they were actually close. To Gob the one good thing about their fighting was how close he was able to get to Michael. Ever since their teen years Gob would get aroused by the agressive physical contact that occured when he and Michael tried to beat the crap out of each other, and either Michael never felt his erection or he never said anything about it. Gob suspected it to be the latter. Other than that he hated their fights.

"Thanks, Gob..." Michael liked this. They actually felt like brothers and things weren't awkward between them like they usually were. That was until after a minute and Gob still didn't let him go, "Gob, you can let go of me now" Gob came back to the here and now and let go of his brother, but not without his hand lingering at Michael's side. Things became silent once again before after a few minutes when Michael broke the silence, "So... Buster tells me you're..."

"That I'm what?" Gob asked, a bit anxious. Months ago he had confided in Buster while he was drunk that he was in love with Michael. Apparently Buster had known all along, since Gob was quite obvious when it came to his love for Michael. Buster had promised not to tell anyone, but now Gob feared that Buster might have told Michael.

"That you're... bisexual..." Michael finished. This made Gob feel better slightly, but not much. Now that Michael knew, what did he think of him? Was he disgusted with Gob because he liked men? Did this mean that he now understood his feelings towards him?

"Oh, he did?" Gob felt like punching Buster's face in.

"Yeah, um... just so you know, I don't care," Michael said, "I mean, I do care, I mean... to me it doesn't matter whether you're gay or straight or whatever. You're my brother. I just wish you had told me" the moment he heard this, tears started to well up in Gob's eyes and he threw his arms around Michael in a hug that threatened to squeeze the life out of him. Michael tolerated this, seeing as how Gob must have been overwhelmed.

It had never occured to Gob to ever tell Michael. Dating other people was just a front, an attempt to fill that void in his life that couldn't be filled as long as his brother didn't return his love. To tell the truth, he just labelled himself as bi because he knew he was sexually attracted to women, but he was also attracted to Michael, a man, and his brother no less. He was more attracted to Michael than he was to any woman. Truthfully he didn't think was bisexual, hetrosexual, or even homosexual. In his opinion he was Michaelsexual, which technically meant he was homosexual. He could live with that, "I'm sorry..." he said, letting go of Michael.

"It's okay, Gob, but you know... if you ever need to talk to someone I'll be there for you" Michael said, patting Gob on the back.

"Please, just promise that you won't tell anyone... especially Mom and Dad. They'd kill me..." Gob begged.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me" Michael said as he placed a hand on Gob's shoulder. Gob found it hard to swallow, like he had something stuck in his throat.

"Thanks, Mikey..." Gob said. An internal alarm was going off in his head, warning him that he was heading into dangerous territory, but as usual he ignored it. He felt like ever nerve in his body was on fire, like he was melting from the inside. He moved his hand and placed it on Michael's, "Stop it!" his mind screamed at him, "Don't do this. Get away from him, go to bed and get off, but don't you dare think of saying or doing anything!" but he didn't listen.

Michael looked at the hand over his but did nothing to move it. Gob could feel himself blushing furiously. He'd had enough. He needed to let this out! "I have a secret," he said, "It's a really big one and I feel like if I don't tell someone it'll kill me... I've been keeping it so long" he looked desperately into Michael's eyes.

"Well then why don't you tell someone?" Michael asked, "Can't you tell me?"

"No... I can't..." Gob answered, "I can't tell anyone... I'm afraid of what they'd think if I told them, especially you. I told Buster, but he already knew... I think the only reason he didn't react badly is because... well, he's Buster"

Michael smiled, "Is this a problem with your love life?" he asked.

"Kind of..." Gob said, "I'm in love... and I'm afraid of what he'll think of me..."

"Gob... the worst he could do would be reject you, and isn't knowing better than not knowing?" Michael said, coming a bit closer to Gob, which made the elder's heartbeat quicken, "At any rate, you won't have to keep it a secret anymore" Michael kept talking, but Gob wasn't listening. All he could hear was his heart pounding in his ears, all he could feel was the warm sensation that came from every touch from his brother, even the slightest. God, he couldn't stand this anymore!

In one fluid motion Gob moved forward, his lips making contact with Michael's as the hand that had been covering Michael's hand went to the back of Michael's head, holding it in place. Michael had been in mid-sentence when Gob kissed him, which gave Gob the perfect oppertunity to slip his tongue inside of Michael's mouth. Michael was drawing a blank. His brother was kissing him. He didn't know what to do. He didn't move at first, surprised, but after a few seconds he turned his head away, breaking the kiss, "Stop..." he said. He seemed out of breath and almost... frightened by this strange turn of events.

"I love you," Gob said, "I'm sorry, Michael. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I love you and I always will" he tried to kiss Michael again, but Michael pushed him away.

"Shut up..." Michael practically hissed, glaring at Gob. Gob felt a sinking feeling in his chest when he realized that Michael was angry with him. Michael stood up and walked away. Gob watched helplessly as Michael hurried upstairs, never even casting a glance back at him.

"He's disgusted with me now..." Gob thought. He felt the tears coming. Right now he didn't want to be anywhere near Michael, or anyone else in their family. He didn't want to be anywhere. This was too much! He jumped to his feet and ran outside. He didn't even bother getting his Segway. He just ran. He kept running. It was raining outside, but that didn't make much of a difference. He earned several honks from cars on the street, but Gob didn't give a damn whether or not he was run over, or if he caused an accident... he didn't care about anything anymore. If he didn't have Michael, he had nothing. He ran until he came to a bridge over the water, a long way from home. By then he was out of breath and his legs ached from all the running. It was too dark to see, but he could hear the rushing water underneath the bridge. Cars raced by, sending up sheets of rain water, but he didn't care since he was already soaking wet. He leaned over the bridge's railing, holding out his hand, feeling the raindrops fall onto his palm. He wished they could penetrate deeper, underneath his skin, down to his very core and wash that stain called sin off his soul. He started to cry. He had told Michael. Not only told him, but showed him. He had (bleep)ed everything up and now things could never be okay again, because now Michael hated him.

He had destroyed what little of a relationship he and Michael had because he couldn't control himself. How could he go back to the model home? How could he ever face his brother again? How could he ever face anyone in their family again? He felt like scum. He always knew there was something terribly wrong with him, and it had been confirmed the first time he ever... ever thought of his brother while touching himself. Finding his brother attractive, that was a mental thing, wanting him was a mental thing, thinking about him was just a mental thing, longing for him and missing him when he was in Cabo and when he left Newport Beach with Tracy was a mental thing, loving him was a mental thing, but when they were linked to masturbation it was physical. Now... now that he'd finally acted on those feelings... he knew that he was sick. He had just ruined everything and he hated himself for it.

Gob looked down. It would be nice, he though, if he let himself go. To fall and let the cold water take him, drag him under, all the way to the bottom, the water filling his lungs until that longing, that ache for his brother was gone, until he disappeared. It would be nice to not suffer wanting someone he couldn't have or hating himself for it. The freedom would be magnificent. No one would miss him anyway. Michael despised him now, their parents already hated him, and nobody else cared. Nobody would come to his funeral, no one would cry. He doubted that anyone would even remember him after a week or so... he didn't mean anything to anyone. He was surprised he didn't think of this sooner. This was perfect... he would finally be free from all the pain.

He climbed over the railing, standing on the lip of cement on the other side. His hands locked onto the railing, not ready but still thinking about it. How could this have happened? The rain continued to fall as Gob looked up at the sky, and he recited Leviticus 18:6, which he had once heard from Anne, only remembering it because it applied to him and his sin, "No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations. I am the lord..." well his apologies to God, but he had screwed up royally somewhere down the line. It had been this way since he was fifteen, and he had gotten by on casual touches and hitting on Michael for so long, but tonight he crossed the line. Why had God made him this way? He had fallen in love with a man he could not have and would never stop loving. He was (bleep)ing tired of it! Now things would never be the same. He had opened up his own Pandora's box and it could never be closed.

Did it even matter now? It didn't have to. Everything could cease to matter. A free fall into the darkness could fix it all. The water engulfing him, washing away everything until there was nothing left. He remembered the look in Michael's eyes. Michael now hated him. In the distance he could hear the brakes of the staircar. He waited. He wanted his brother to see just what this had all led to. Gob wanted Michael to see this, so he might feel some sort of remourse for the way he treated Gob all these years.

That was when he heard the car screech to a stop behind him, a door opening and closing, his brother calling his name. He allowed himself a small smile as he let go of the railing. This was it... this was the end of George Oscar Bluth, known to many as Gob. It started with a stupid sibling rivalry that somehow became a love so strong that today, after so many years it led to his death. All because of how twisted, madly and perversely he loved his brother, "You're too late, Mikey..." he whispered.

And he stepped into the darkness.

XxX

The next chapter will be coming soon. This was my first attempt at a truly angsty Arrested Development fic, and to be honest I'm satisfied with how the first chapter turned out. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and I hope you review.


	2. Chapter 2: To Choose Death Over Sin

The Colour of His Sin

Summary: Gob never meant to fall in love with Michael. It just happened. Behind a meaningless rivalry was a love so strong that it could not be denied and had the potential to destroy Gob's life and the relationship he had with Michael.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything!

XxX

Chapter 2: To Choose Death Over Sin

He thought he was free. For a moment he thought that he was already dead, but Michael was too fast. Gob looked up at Michael's face, illuminated by the streetlights. Michael stared down at him and Gob could feel Michael's nails digging into his wrist as he swung below in the darkness, "Give me your hand" Michael said, extending his other one. Gob looked down below at the darkness beneath him. He could hear the water roaring below, "Damn it, Gob, give me your (bleep)ing hand right now!" Michael shouted. Gob was surprised by the angry tone in Michael's voice, and with the raging river underneath him and Michael above him, holding onto him and keeping him from falling to his death, he came to the realization that killing himself didn't seem like such a good idea anymore.

Michael pulled him up until Gob was able to grab onto the rails and climb over. Michael embraced him tightly, and Gob could easily feel that Michael was shaking, "Are you alright?" his brother asked.

"Yeah..." Gob replied. He was also shaking from a combination of cold and fear. He was too frightened to appreciate the fact that Michael was holding him like he would never let him go. He was too drained and tired and he just wanted to go home. Michael pulled back and looked at him.

"Good..." Michael breathed before punching Gob right in the jaw. Gob fell and landed on his back. He could feel blood welling up in his mouth, "What is the matter with you!?" he heard Michael shout, "Are you insane or just retarded!? You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"That was kind of the idea, Mikey..." Gob said, looking up at his brother. He sat up and spit out some of the blood. Michael had hit him pretty hard. That had actually been the first time that Michael had ever really hurt him... physically anyways. Michael sighed in exasperation as he knelt down and wiped some of the blood off of Gob's chin.

"I'm not worth it..." Michael said softly, "Look at me, Gob" Gob's eyes met Michael's, and he didn't see that anger that was in his eyes when he kissed him, "No matter what happens, I'm not worth it. I am not worth commiting suicide" Gob didn't even say anything. He was too overwhelmed by what had happened in only an hour. He had kissed his brother, screwed up his life, tried to end it, and had been saved by that brother who he'd kissed and thought hated him for it. Michael helped Gob up and into the staircar. Gob meekly got into the passengers seat and brought his knees up to his chin, trying to make himself as small as he could. He was bewildered by Michael's behaviour. Michael got mad at him a lot, but had never yelled at him the way he had a minute ago.

The drive back was silent. Gob closed his eyes and rested his head against the window. His face throbbed with pain where Michael had hit him, but it had stopped bleeding. Right now he just wanted to be far away and never have to face Michael again, but then he thought twice about that. Being without Michael was worse, or was being around Michael and having him hate him worse? He wasn't sure anymore. This was all so confusing and he wanted it all to be just a bad dream. He felt like he was a child again. He was in big trouble and he felt helpless. This was like the drive home from school back when he was sixteen and had put some guy in the hospital for locking Michael in his own locker. He would have gotten expelled if his father hadn't bribed the entire faculty to look the other way. Gob knew even then that his father only did it for the family's reputation. The drive home back then had been quiet, as well, but the moment they got home, his parents yelled at him until he was practically deaf. Michael was the only one that didn't give him a hard time, and he knew why. Michael had nearly suffocated in there and was close to passing out. If Gob hadn't gotten him out of there, who knows what would have happened. He remembered the way Michael had looked at him that day. Michael actually appreciated something that Gob had done for him.

They still hadn't said one word to each other when they got back to the model home. Michael went upstairs to change into something dry and Gob decided to do the same. He waited outside the room that he and Michael had shared for the past month, knowing how uncomfortable Michael would feel changing in front of Gob now. They had been sleeping in the room with the twin beds ever since Lindsay and Tobias began having sexual relations again, and it had never been much of a problem for them until now. After Gob had changed into his silk robe and boxers, he curled up on his bed and tried to fight back the tears, not even able to look at Michael.

Michael looked over at his brother, feeling some remourse for the way Gob felt right now because of him, "Come on, Gob. Don't do this" Michael said, trying to be sympathetic. Gob didn't move. Michael went over and sat beside Gob on the bed, "Gob, look at me" he ordered. Gob did what he was told and rolled over to face his brother, "I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm sorry I did. You just... you really scared me. I didn't mean to hit you and I promise that I won't do it again" Gob really had scared Michael. When Michael saw Gob on the bridge about to jump, he was so frightened that he would lose someone else that he loved. Despite what Gob had told him and what he had done he was still his brother. When Gob didn't say anything, Michael laid down beside Gob and propped himself up on his elbow, "Talk to me" he begged, feeling a bit desperate.

"I can't..." Gob whispered, his voice breaking.

Michael felt like he was about to cry. He then put a hand on Gob's shoulder and looked deeply into his eyes, "Gob, if I wasn't able to catch you and you fell I would have followed you. I mean it. You know I love you and that nothing you could ever say or do will change that.

"I can't undo it..." Gob said a bit louder, "It's been said and it can't be unsaid. What's happened can't be undone..."

"How long?" Michael asked.

"Twenty-four years, three months, one week, and five days" Gob answered, actually shocked that he had just admitted that.

"That long?" Michael asked in disbelief, "You've actually kept count of the days?"

"What can I say? I'm obsessed" Gob said, trying to force a smile, but failing.

"That doesn't make any sense"

"Like any of this is supposed to make sense?"

"True... how's your face?"

"Hurts"

"Sorry. Let me see it" Michael tilted Gob's face up a bit, "Yeah... you're gonna have a bruise" Michael looked at Gob for a moment. He looked so defencless. There were tears welling up in his eyes and it made Michael feel a stab of guilt. He didn't know what came over him but he leaned forward and kissed Gob's forehead. His lips travelled lower, kissing down the side of his face, brushing over his bruised cheek. He paused for a moment.

"Mikey..." Gob was cut off by his brother's lips covering his own. It was like before except that this time it was Michael that initiated it. Michael's tongue slid over Gob's lips, seeking enterance. Gob eagerly opened his mouth, allowing Michael's tongue to pass over ever inch. He began to kiss back, knowing what he wanted to do, what he wanted to say, but his mind was stuck on a broken record of, "Holy (bleep), holy (bleep), holy (bleep)!"

Gob pulled away, "What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is what you wanted, isn't it?" Michael replied, his hand sliding under Gob's robe, "For me to kiss you, to touch you?" Gob was too shocked to speak. He had no idea what had gotten into Michael, and to be honest, Michael didn't know either. He just knew that he wanted it, "Do you like it?" Michael whispered against Gob's ear. Gob just nodded his head, "Then stop asking so many questions"

"I'm confused"

"So am I"

Then it was all hot kisses, impatient hands, skin on skin, meaningless inarticulate pleadings, and both the pleasure and the pain (the pain felt by Michael for certain reasons). The experience as a whole was amazing, and Gob was finally able to call out Michael's name when he came.

XxX

Michael woke up the next morning and tried to get up, the key word being tried. The pain he felt was an immediate reminder of what had happened last night. He had sex with Gob, his brother! His mind was a mess and what was going through it was along the lines of, "Oh God, that's (bleep)ing incest and that's wrong and oh God, it was so good but holy (bleep) it's sick and wrong and I can't believe I did this!" Gob wasn't in bed with him. He wasn't even in the room. That made Michael feel slightly better. He closed his eyes and silently cursed himself. This was so wrong in so many (bleep)ing ways and he would give anything for things to go back to normal, or how normal it could be for their family. He didn't wish he hadn't saved Gob, that would have been cruel, but he wished that Gob hadn't said anything about his feelings for him. Then everything would be normal. He wanted everything to go away.

That was when Gob walked in. Michael wouldn't even look at him. He felt so guilty and disgusted with himself. Gob sat down beside Michael on the bed and stroked his hair, "Michael, please... Oh God, I really (bleep)ed this up, didn't I?" Michael sat up and looked Gob in the eye. Gob suddenly felt uneasy by the way that Michael looked at him, "Don't hurt me..."

"Why would I hurt you?" Michael asked.

"Because I (bleep)ed you," Gob answered, looking away, "Go get cleaned up. I'll make us some breakfast and... I'll pack up my stuff and find somewhere else to live. I'll understand if you don't want me living here anymore"

Breakfast was silent. Everyone else was somewhere for the day, which made things easier for them both. Neither of them thought they could face anyone in the family after last night's events. The brothers didn't make eye contact. Every time Gob looked over at Michael his head was down, refusing to acknowledge him, almost saying, "I don't know you" it was like that for a while until suddenly Michael broke the silence, "I don't want you to move out," he said. Gob was confused for a moment. What did this mean? "What happened... it changes things but I don't want you to stop being my brother, Gob" Gob felt guilty. He had damned them both with his secret. Until last night Michael had been pure. He wasn't perfect, but he was as close to perfect as a human could be. At least that was the way Gob saw him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"My ass hurts and I know for certain I'm going to hell, but other than that I'm fine, and... I'm sorry I hurt you"

"It's fine, really"

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have hit you back on the bridge and I shouldn't have made you feel like you had to run away after what you told me. As for what happened last night... I don't know what got into me. I'm sorry, Gob. I shouldn't have..."

"Do you regret it?" Gob asked. His chest was tight with anticipation over Michael's answer. If it was a temporary lapse of judgement, or even worse, out of pity, he didn't know what he would do. At the same time he had to know.

"No, I don't... I should, but... I don't know why I did it. We are in so much trouble..." Michael lowered his head, "You tried to kill yourself after you kissed me, and I broke up with Lucy, I mean... I've just been so messed up lately. Did you know that Maebey is pregnant? My son is going to be a father before he even graduates from high school. I don't have anything against them being together anymore, I've made peace with that, but... I'm just worried about him. Plus things down at work... oh God, I'm supposed to be at work right now"

"Don't worry, I called and said you were sick," Gob said, "They'd get suspicious if they noticed that you were walking kind of weird"

"I just wasn't thinking, okay?" Michael said, "I was lost and confused. Can we just drop the subject?"

"Okay..." Gob said, knowing that Michael was obviously upset about this. He wouldn't back away from the issue, but he would give Michael a bit of time.

XxX

Gob had pretty much left Michael alone for the rest of the day. Later that evening George Michael asked Gob what was wrong with Michael. He'd noticed that his father had been acting strange the whole day. Gob didn't answer. He was too busy moping about his dilema. Besides, if George Michael knew what was wrong with Michael, he'd probably kick Gob's ass.

When he was alone with Michael, Gob asked him a serious question, "What are we going to do?"

"About what?"

"About us"

"There isn't an us. There is never going to be an us" Michael said, sounding very irritated.

"But what about last night, Michael? I thought-" Gob asked, getting a bit desperate.

"Last night was a mistake," Michael snapped, "A mistake we are never going to make again"

"It wasn't a mistake, Michael," Gob insisted, putting his hands on Michael's shoulders and looking into his eyes, "I know you, Michael, and you wouldn't have done it if you didn't want it"

"I did want it, and that's the problem... we can't do this"

"Why not?"

"Look, Gob, you're my brother and I love you. I would do whatever I can to make you happy, but not this"

"Why not?"

"Because it's wrong. I want this but I can't let myself want it," Michael answered. He was torn between what was the right thing to do and what his heart was feeling. He had never been more conflicted in his life, "Stop for a moment and think about it, Gob. Do you realize what we're doing? For God's sake, if people found out it may bring down the company, and we could get arrested! Did you think about that? And what about my son? He could even end up in foster care because of it. This could ruin all our lives"

"Michael, we aren't kids," Gob said, "No one can tell us what to do. And it's not like we can't keep a secret" Michael didn't want to listen to this anymore. He got up and went upstairs, much like last night, except this time Gob followed him.

"Gob, you'll find someone else, someone more suitable for you, and I will, too," Michael said, knowing Gob was right behind him, "It's the best thing for both of us and I am not going to let this insanity go any further than it has, I mean it" they stopped at the door to their room when Gob grabbed Michael and pushed him against the wall. Michael was taken by surprise. What had gotten into Gob?

"Michael, I am not going to stop loving you just because you tell me to" Gob said, starting to get angry with his brother, who was chickening out of what he wanted.

"Then try harder," Michael said, "Because I'm never letting that happen again"

Gob felt desperate. He didn't care who saw them as he brought his lips to Michael's and kissed him. Michael kissed back for a moment before he pulled back, "Stop this or I swear to God, I will..."

"You'll what?" Gob asked, quite curious as to what kind of threat Michael was making.

"I will kill us both. I would rather commit murder suicide before I let last night happen again" Michael answered, glaring at Gob. Was he serious? Gob let go of Michael and backed away. He couldn't be serious, could he? Would he really kill him, let alone both of them? It was hard to tell with Michael. Even when he didn't mean what he said he sounded so serious about everything. Michael opend the bedroom door and before stepping inside he said, "I think it would be best if we didn't sleep in the same room tonight" and then he closed the door on Gob.

XxX

There's the second chapter. I'll have the third one up soon. I hope you enjoyed it and please review. 


	3. Chapter 3: Anything to be With You

The Colour of His Sin

Summary: Gob never meant to fall in love with Michael. It just happened. Behind a meaningless rivalry was a love so strong that it could not be denied and had the potential to destroy Gob's life and the relationship he had with Michael.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything!

XxX

Chapter 3: Anything to be With You

Michael never said that he didn't like it. In fact in many ways he had said the opposite. So why the hell would he reject him? It was clear that Michael thought that it was wrong, and so did Gob, but unlike Gob, Michael cared and thought there was something they could do about it. Like Gob hadn't tried? For the first few years that Gob was in love with Michael he had tried to conceal those feelings, but was unsuccessful. His love for Michael was too deep. It was rooted into his heart and growing stronger with every beat until he thought it would drive him insane.

No. Michael was wrong. That love would not go away so easily. It was not something that he could just feel for someone else. Gob had never really loved anyone other than Michael. He would at times try to trick himself into loving someone else, but his heart wouldn't let him escape his love for Michael. He could never put that behind him. He could never abandone it or forget it. He couldn't turn it on and off like a faucet. Gob buried his face into his pillow and screamed in frustration. He was sleeping on the couch since Michael wouldn't let him sleep in their room. Who knew when he'd trust him to be anywhere near him again? It would have been better if Michael had straight out rejected him instead of his ambiguous answer painted in shades of grey, "Yes I want you. Yes I love you, but I can't" how was he supposed to deal with that!?

He couldn't just carry on without Michael. Not now. Now that Michael knew he couldn't give up and let Michael go on to someone else. Someone else that was wrong for him and that would end up hurting him in the end. Even Tracy had hurt him. It wasn't her fault that she died, but still, Michael had been screwed over by fate as usual. Gob wouldn't let that happen. He would do everything in his power and go beyond his limits to make sure that Michael wouldn't feel sadness anymore. Michael had been drowning in sorrow most of his life. Gob knew that if Michael gave him a chance he could help him. He would always be there for Michael and always stand by him and do anything for him no matter what the consequences were. He knew he had to do something. He would not let it end like this.

He lay awake for a long time, thinking it over and building up the nerve. It was late at night and everyone else was asleep. He got up and crept upstairs, down the hallway towards his and Michael's room. He slowly opened the door and stood in the doorway for a really long time, watching Michael's sleeping form. He did the same thing a lot when they were younger and shared a bedroom. He knew he was screwed up for it, but he didn't care. Gob wondered who Michael dreamt of. Did he ever dream of him?

He remembered what Michael had said about Lucy. She had been spreading a lot of paint, and his was the wrong colour. The colour of the blood they shared. The deep dark red that bound them as tightly together as it tried to keep them apart. He went to his brother's bed and slipped under the sheets with him, moving so he was on top of Michael with his knees on either side of his hips. Michael was frowning in his sleep, probably starting to awake. Gob bent down and kissed Michael's parted lips, gently stroking his face.

"What are you doing...?" Michael murmered as he woke up.

"Do you hate me for telling you?" Gob asked.

"No... I could never hate you..." Michael slipped a hand under Gob's shirt. The other's eyes slid closed as he felt the warmth from his brother's hand on his back, "I could never hate you. It's not your fault you feel this way"

"Then why do you keep telling me to stop loving you?" Gob asked. He felt like he was about to cry. This was all so overwhelming and he just wanted Michael to be clear about the way he felt so he would know whether he had something to live for or not.

"I wish it was okay," Michael said, pulling Gob close to him so Gob was laying right on top of him. Gob was definetly getting mixed messages now, "I wish I could promise you that we would always be together and all that romance movie crap, but we can't. It's wrong. We can't be together the way that we want. I'm sorry"

"I can't stop loving you, Mikey. Please don't ask me to..." Gob pleaded, wrapping his arms around Michael's neck.

"I'm sorry" Michael said. His other hand found its way to Gob's knee, travelling up to his brother's thigh.

"Stop saying that!" Gob could feel the tears start to fall, "I don't care how sorry you are, that doesn't change anything. I won't stop loving you. I won't stop wanting you, and I won't stop pursuing you. You can't make me"

"I'll leave like I did for Cabo," Michael threatened, "I don't care if it means leaving George Michael behind, I'll leave and you'll never hear from me again"

"Then I'll follow," Gob insisted, tightening his hold on Michael, "I'll follow you to the ends of the world. You cannot escape me" he watched Michael's face carefully, but his eyes revealed nothing.

"I wouldn't want to," Michael said, "But I said something to you in the hallway earlier, and that still holds true"

"I remember... and I don't care"

"You don't care? You're saying that you're willing to die for me?" Michael's voice was tight with disbelief, worry and fear.

"I've been in love with you for over twenty years. Those feelings have been... wonderful, magical, real," Gob said, "Hiding them... it's been torture and it was hard enough only allowing myself the casual touches and subtle hints instead of throwing myself at you and letting myself pursue you with that passion that's burned inside of me for so long. The intensity in which I've missed you has been hell. Not being able to touch you or kiss you is maddening. If I can't be with you I... I guess I don't care what you do to me..."

"Don't do this... don't give me an open invitation..."

"Then I'll tell you what to do," Gob said, "Block those stupid morals out for tonight and let me make love to you. Let me make you scream and moan my name, and when the night is over and... if you still think that we can't be together, then I'll let you kill me" Michael's breath stopped for a brief moment. Was Gob serious? He was actually willing to die just to be with him? "I won't fight you, I won't struggle. As long as we're together"

"Don't make me do this..." Michael begged.

"I'm sorry..." Gob kissed Michael again, tongue slipping past Michael's lips, tasting him. When he pulled back he said with certainty, "I'll kill you and you'll kill me, and we'll burn in hell for our sin" he broke down crying, not caring how pathetic he seemed. He was surprised when he felt Michael's tongue on his cheek, licking away his tears. Michael had never done that, though Gob had on several occasions tried to make him in a haze of pent up frustration and overpowering emtions. One of the many reasons that he was (bleep)ed up.

"You're so pathetic..." Michael whispered against Gob's ear, "And yet I can't help but love you. Fine... but remember you asked for it..." Michael wasn't even sure what he was doing or what he was thinking. He wanted Gob, but he didn't want to kill his brother. He didn't know what he should do about this situation. He only knew that he wouldn't back down from this.

They painted the night with the colour of their sin.

XxX

The epilouge will be up soon. I hope you enjoyed it and please review! 


	4. Chapter 4: The Rest of Our Lives

The Colour of His Sin

Summary: Gob never meant to fall in love with Michael. It just happened. Behind a meaningless rivalry was a love so strong that it could not be denied and had the potential to destroy Gob's life and the relationship he had with Michael.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything!

XxX

Chapter 4: The Rest of Our Lives

The next morning they were both silent. Gob knew this would be his last day. Michael probably hadn't changed his mind. He had to accept that fact that soon they would both be dead. After they got dressed they sat on the bed, both brothers not able to look at the other. It was like that for what seemed like hours until Gob was attacked with a by very agressive hug from Michael, which resulted in him falling off the bed. He landed hard on the floor, on his back, with Michael on top of him, "Forget what I said," Michael said, pressing his forehead against Gob's, "I'm sorry, Gob. I was acting like a total jerk. I want us to be together, and I don't want either of us to die. Of course I'm worried about people finding out, but I can't let that stand in the way of us being together. Last night you proved to me that the love we have is worth fighting for. I love you..."

Gob was overjoyed. He threw his arms around Michael and hugged him, "This means we can stay together?" he asked. He had to fight the tears that were threatening to escape his eyes.

"Yes, we can," Michael answered before capturing his brother's lips in a passionate kiss. After all those years of pointless fights, turning their backs on each other, and denying what they wanted, they finally had it, and nothing could stand in their way. Neither of them knew just how long they were there on the floor in each other's arms, but eventually the silence was interupted by someone knocking on the door. They snapped out of their mutual daze and scrambled to their feet. Michael went and opened the door to see his son standing there.

"Hey, Dad, are you okay?" George Michael asked, "It's noon and nobody's seen you or Uncle Gob"

"Oh yeah, we're fine," Michael said, lying through his teeth. His son was the last person he wanted knowing about his affair with Gob, "We were just up late last night and we slept in. We'll be down in a second" once George Michael left, Michael turned to Gob and smiled. He wasn't quite sure where this new romance would take them, but he knew that as long as he was with Gob everything would be okay, "Family first I always say," Michael said, lightly touching Gob's arm, "I guess I was wrong. I really would go that far to make you happy"

The ties that bound them as family didn't seem to matter as much now. They knew that their love would keep them together despite what stood in their way. Over the past couple of days so much had happened to them, and now they had made it through the storm. Michael didn't know what he had been so afraid of or why he had resisted his brother's love. He was the happiest he had been in years, and Gob, for the first time in his life felt loved and wanted by someone.

"I'm sorry for what-" Michael started before Gob hushed him with a kiss. Gob didn't want to hear another word about the drama that had occured over the last two days. Michael didn't have to say anything, because he understood.

"This is it," Gob said with a confidence he rarely ever felt unless everything was okay between him and Michael. He pulled Michael close and kissed him again, "The first day of the rest of our lives..."

XxX

I hope you've enjoyed reading this. Please send me reviews, I live off of them! 


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